"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
--ephesians 4:31-32
lately, i've had an ugly heart.
i try really hard to take my thoughts captive, to not entertain things that i know i shouldn't.
of course there are some things, some people, that are harder to ignore than others.
a lot of times in those situations, i barely feel like i'm keeping my head above the water.
sometimes, the waves are too much to handle.
i give up.
i sink...
and my heart becomes ugly.
the feelings inside and the things i say to my closest confidantes
are not the things i want to feel and say...
but the release of getting those feelings out and not stifling myself
are freeing...it feels so good to be understood.
yet at the same time, they are taking me captive and pulling me farther under.
i'm feeding my 'flesh', and the negative feelings grow.
i let other people's ignorance, actions of entitlement, pride and façades mix with
anger, bitterness and hurt feelings from the past.
it's not a good combination.
i am supposed to love as christ loved.
forgive as he forgave.
how can i profess to be a christian
when i cannot love the lost?
my jesus loved me when i was the worst of the worst.
he saved me even though he saw the darkest parts of me as no one else has.
since i am no better than anyone else,
how can i not forgive, not love anyway?
when will my feelings be of less of importance
than the eternal goal?
maybe sharing my life will never make a difference to certain people.
but maybe it will.
maybe i will go on getting hurt anyway,
the way i hurt my jesus so many times...
but he in all his perfection still loves me--
and i need to keep on loving, too.
so. to those of you i have unloaded on, i'm sorry.
i appreciate your love and support...but pray with me--
pray for me.
love me enough to tell me when i'm saying too much...
when i'm crossing the line between making sure i'm doing the right thing
and trying to figure things out,
and when i'm just hurt, angry, and running my mouth.
if i confide in you, you know my heart...and you know i don't like when i feel this way.
it's time to clean house.
5 comments:
Wow, wonderfully said. I've been doing most of my unloading on my husband, a lot lately...and think its ok because he's my husband. It does feel good to let it out, but then it almost fuels that anger and bitterness even more. Thanks for sharing this Andrea...I so needed to reflect and I like how you said it, "clean house":)
This reminds me of some conversations I've had with my therapist. Lots of times I get wrapped up in the emotions of things that are said, or done, or not done by other people. I can be hurt, frustrated, confused, or just plain mad. What I have to focus on is that I'm the only one I can control. My ideals may not be someone elses. And I work on letting the emotions go because really there's nothing I can do to change other people. I can offer encouragement, a listening ear, words of advice, a shoulder to lean on, kindness. But at the end of the day, I'm only responsible for my own actions. Which is too bad!! :) If people would only listen to me! :)
i don't think it's any coincidence i stumbled across this and eph 4:29 today. "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen".
thank you for posting this! i needed it.
great post... my next ssmt verse is
”Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 NIV
i always "google" different studies on my verse before i start it, so that i have either a better understanding & look at others interpretations.
your post i think is right on time for me... thank you for posting. <3
*sigh* I'm going to quit reading this blog if it's going to be convicting. jk....excellent post!!
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